My Eating Disorder – Part I

I am not the girl I used to be. Everybody changes throughout the years, but my change wasn’t positive. I developed anxiety, depression and an eating disorder- all severe. If you talked to me when I was ten, I’d be just fine. If you put cake in front of me, I’d eat it all without even having a second thought about it. Well, not now…
It all started going downhill when I was in seventh grade, during field hockey season. I was the awkwardly tall girl, the ugly one. I felt like a misfit. I began feeling like nothing I did was right, that I wasn’t good enough for anything or anyone. I didn’t know what was happening or why I felt this way, I was oblivious to what was going on.
In field hockey practice, I couldn’t run as long or as fast as the other girls, I couldn’t do as many push ups. I felt huge compared to all of them with their toned bodies, but I didn’t want to quit. Being on the field hockey team meant you were cool at my school, and my self-confidence was already low, I needed something to pick me up. I became the goalie. That way, I wouldn’t have to run during games and embarrass myself, but I’d still be a part of the team. Excluded, but I still had somewhere I convinced myself I fit in. I had a hard time socializing with the other players, so field hockey began to make me miserable. I wanted to fit in for real… I decided I needed to lose weight. Skinny means happy, right?
I started at about 160 lbs and dropped all the way down to 118 lbs all within two months. I blind to the illness that was taking over my body. Anorexia made my depression levels shoot through the roof. I began to self-harm. By eighth grade I had started losing my friends, dropping them one by one, isolating myself. This is when I was first brought to CPEP (Comprehensive Psychiatric Emergency Program) and was hospitalized. I’d tried harming myself by taking pills before, but it never did anything. This time, I was so depressed I didn’t even have to take any pills. My school guidance counselor was talking with me, and ended calling my mom telling her I needed to go to CPEP. I was in the hospital for a little over a week, it taught me nothing… If anything, being in the psych ward and seeing other people with worse scars than me just made my depression worse and triggered me.

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-XOXO Casey

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rehoboth Beach Travel Diary

Rehoboth Beach was a fun trip with my mom and sister. Unfortunately for my mom, only our first full day there we were swimming and she got a huge ocean fishing hook caught in her toe! To make it worse, the hook had a barb on it so we couldn’t just pull it out right then and there… 

We ended up going to the emergency room all dressed up in our bathing suits, and boy let me tell you, it was freezing. The doctor ended up pushing the hook all the way through her toe by cutting the skin on the other side, snipping the barb off (which flew into my face), and pulling it out. Luckily my mom didn’t end up needing stitches, but it bled a lot. The only part that hurt her she said was the numbing shots and the tetanus shot they gave her. As you probably guessed they put her on an antibiotic to keep the wound from getting an infection.

We went to the outlets shopping almost everyday, and walked around the cute little shops in town and on the boardwalk a couple of times. Most of the stores on the boardwalk have basically the same stuff, but it was still fun to walk around and look through them! I ended up blowing a lot of money on new school clothes, which I might end up showing you guys in a YouTube video. Most of the outlets had some really good deals which is great.

We woke up really early in the morning on our third day to watch the sunrise, which was absolutely beautiful. I got some great pictures, one of which is the photo for this post! I’ll post a few of the others on the other social media I have under Day As Casey! Later that day, the dolphins came out. There were so many of them it had to have been multiple pods coming together but I don’t know my dolphinology too well so maybe not haha. They got really close to shore at one point at they were there for a long time. To make the sight even better, a couple of them put on a show for us and started jumping out of the water!

On our last full day it was rainy so we hit the outlets again and went to play mini golf. I thought I was going to be so bad at it but I ended up kicking butt and winning! I even ended up getting a hole-in-one and may or may not have let out a little scream of excitement, making some strangers jump… The course was super cute, too. It was set up as a rainforest or jungle type theme with water and mist machines and everything. The way it was set up though, I tripped and fell about five times into the bushes trying to retrieve my ball from hitting it in the wrong place. Despite looking like I was drunk tripping all over the place and screaming, I had a great time.

The trip overall was fun and relaxing for all of us, even my mom. We went to Rehoboth last year, and I hope to go again next year!
-XOXO Casey